Trading Places
by athenanoctea
Summary: What was it with body snatchers on Atlantis? First Cadman... now...


**Title:** Trading Places (1/1)

**Author:** carpenyx

**Rating:** R (for language)

**Genre:** Gen/Fluff/Humor

**Date:** 4/15/07

**Characters:** Main SGA team

**Pairings:** a little John/Teyla, hint of John/Rodney (not slash-y, you'll see :P)

**Beta:** nebakanezer

**Summary: **What was it with body snatchers on Atlantis? First Cadman…

**Spoilers:** some spoilers for 3x17 "Sunday", takes place sometime after that in season 3.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own. Just playing with my flyboys in the Pegasus Galaxy.

**Trading Places**

It was a quiet day in Atlantis. The sun was streaming through the stained glass windows, illuminating the corridors. It was another scheduled 'day off' for most of the expedition teams by the orders of Doctor Heightmeyer. Some were grateful for the down time, others, like Teyla, found it pointless.

It had been typical of her team to find sanctuary in each other's company the last couple of weeks. When the mandatory rest day arrived John convinced Ronon to join him on a trip to the mainland. Ronon protested, he still wasn't big on golf but Sheppard insisted it'd be more interesting if they played on solid ground. Sheppard had invited Teyla along but she had already made plans with Doctor Weir for lunch.

Teyla decided to catch up with Rodney, who had been keeping himself busy with work, she wanted to see if she could coax him into joining her and Elizabeth for lunch.

Teyla tapped her knuckles against the entryway of the ancient storage room that had recently been discovered - it contained all sorts of trinkets that they had never seen before. McKay had practically locked himself inside and had been spending most of this free time investigating the objects. "Rodney?"

"Busy," he muttered as he was inputting the data into his laptop.

Teyla nodded in acknowledgement to Zelenka who was also busy working on another computer.

"Do you have a minute?" Teyla walked over and stood beside Rodney, glancing over his shoulder.

Rodney sighed dolefully. He finished up the current entry he was working on and turned to look up at her. "What's up?"

"I had wanted to see if you would like to join Elizabeth and I for lunch." Teyla rested her hand on Rodney's shoulder and offered him a warm smile.

"Oh." Rodney shrugged his shoulders. "I should finish cataloging and not to mention that I would like to examine some of our findings more closely. I don't know when I'll be able to get the time again…"

Teyla inclined her head slightly. "Rodney…"

"I appreciate the offer."

"I am sure that you can tear yourself away for an hour."

"I really can't." Rodney turned his attention back to his laptop.

Teyla frowned a little. Rodney had always been a workaholic but ever since the 'accident' - that's how they referred to Doctor Beckett's death without actually saying it – he had become more engrossed in his work and rarely took any breaks. "Fine," she finally broke the silence, "I shall tell Elizabeth that we are having lunch down here."

"Whoa, wait a second… that's not necessary."

Teyla grinned slowly, shrugging her shoulders. "I think it is."

Rodney muttered something about her being relentless and quite annoying. Teyla didn't mind as she patted Rodney on the shoulder. She moved over to one of the examinations tables, looking over the things laid out. "Have you found anything of use?"

"Not really," he answered her as he typed away on his laptop.

"Do you mind?" Teyla asked as she glanced over her shoulder at Rodney.

Rodney shrugged. "Go ahead. Just be careful, and don't break anything," he replied absentmindedly.

One of the trinkets caught Teyla's attention and with care, she lifted the oval shaped stone off the table. It had a strange olive green tint to it as she turned it over in her palm. The surface was smooth – similar to limestone. "Do you know what this is?" Teyla asked curiously as she looked over to Rodney.

Rodney rolled his eyes irritably and swiveled in the chair, turning to face Teyla. When he caught sight of the object that she held up, his own curiosity was peaked and he rose from the chair. He moved in beside Teyla. "All I know is these are ancient relics. We don't know if they serve any function other than being personal items of the ancients." Rodney reached out to touch the stone that Teyla still held in her hand.

When his finger touched the stone, an electrical shock surged through both Rodney and Teyla. A blinding light illuminated the room. Both were sent flying in opposite directions – crashing into the walls.

---------------

Rodney attempted to open his eyes but found it near impossible with his piercing migraine and the blinding light shining in his face. "What the…" he muttered.

"Take it easy," Doctor Keller advised Rodney.

"What… happened?" he groaned.

"You were exposed to some sort of electrical surge and were knocked unconscious. You didn't sustain any serious injuries."

"What happened?" The voice of Doctor Weir echoed in Rodney's head causing him to wince in pain as she rushed into the sickbay. "Are they all right?"

"Please stop yelling…" Rodney squeezed his eyes tightly, trying to avoid any unwanted light.

"Yes, neither one has any serious injuries. Just headaches and a few bruises," Doctor Keller explained.

Rodney sighed miserably. He crossed his arms over his chest – his eyes flew open. "Um…" Rodney blinked in confusion as he placed his hands over his chest. "These aren't mine!" he hollered and sat up suddenly.

Elizabeth looked between Teyla and the doctor, cocking an eyebrow.

"_These_… aren't mine!" Rodney cupped his breasts, shooting a glare in the direction of the doctor and Elizabeth.

"Teyla?" Elizabeth questioned as she moved to Teyla's bedside.

"What!" Rodney looked at Elizabeth, horrified. He looked down at himself and quickly withdrew his hands from the breasts. _This can't be happening_. He touched his face – it wasn't his face. He touched his hair – it wasn't his hair. "What is going on!?"

"That's what I would like to know, are you all right Teyla?"

"Teyla?" Rodney stared at Elizabeth for a moment before looking over to the bed next to his – where his body was lying. "Shit." He continued a string of curses as he gaped at _his_ body. "Not again!" He gawked. _What was it with body snatchers on Atlantis? First Cadman…_

Teyla slowly opened her eyes, cringing slightly from the brightness around her. Every muscle in her body was taut and ached. She shifted in the bed, adjusting her eyes to the light of the room. She saw Elizabeth who was standing by another hospital bed – _her_ hospital bed… with _her_ in it. Teyla opened her mouth to speak but no words came as she looked at _herself_.

Rodney swallowed, hard. "Oh, this _really_ isn't good."

"Would you both like to tell me what's going on? You're acting as if you've seen a ghost." Elizabeth looked between both Rodney and Teyla.

"She is _me_," he pointed out.

Elizabeth looked at Teyla, confused. "She is you?"

"She is in my body!" Rodney started to hyperventilate, shaking his head vigorously. "Oh my god."

"I think he means that we have switched bodies." Teyla glanced down at the body she inhabited and it most certainly was not hers but Rodney's. "I, Teyla, am in Doctor McKay's body and he is in … mine."

Elizabeth pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head. "Teyla is occupying Rodney's body and Rodney is occupying Teyla's?"

"And again I say; this _really_ isn't good!"

"How could this have happened?" Elizabeth questioned. It could never be just a normal day in Atlantis without _something_ happening.

"I," the doctor looked at her and shrugged. "I don't know."

"Oh, I have a pretty _good_ idea." Rodney shot a glare in Teyla's direction.

Teyla looked at Rodney and rolled her eyes.

-------------

"I want my body back!" Rodney hissed as he paced back and forth in Elizabeth's office.

"It is not my fault." Teyla inclined her head, looking at Rodney – who was still in _her_ body.

"You couldn't have just left me alone?"

"I was trying to assist you," she explained firmly.

"Yeah and look where that got us," he muttered.

"It did not activate until _you_ touched it."

"I wouldn't have touched it if you had just left me alone!"

"Knock it off!" Elizabeth barked as she looked at both of them. "It is no one's fault. Now, Rodney," she addressed Rodney while looking at Teyla. It was very daunting to remember who was who. Just thinking about Rodney in Teyla's body was quite unsettling. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Rodney grumbled as he moved around to sit across from Elizabeth. "Without knowing anything about the device, my best guess is it's some sort of device the ancients used and it remained inactive until _both_ Teyla and I touched it. I'm assuming my ancient gene is what started it… and it only worked with two people touching it."

"Do you think you can find a way to undo it?" Elizabeth looked at Teyla.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "With enough time, yeah, why not?"

"Just say yes, Rodney." Teyla said, touchily. Truth was that she was quite unsettled by all of this and was not all that keen on remaining in Rodney's body for much longer. It was difficult to get used to and very uncomfortable.

Rodney shot Teyla a glare.

"For the moment, I would like you both to stay clear of each other before you tear each other's heads off, understand?"

Teyla nodded.

"Understood," he grumbled as he rose from the chair.

"And Rodney? Hurry," Elizabeth advised him.

"Not a problem," he told her as he turned. Rodney looked at Teyla. "Be careful, you know, with my body, okay?"

Teyla scrunched her face a little.

-----------

"Teyla!" Ronon called after the Athosian as he moved briskly to catch up with her. He received no initial response so he said her name again. "Wait up!"

Rodney blinked as Ronon stepped up beside him and looked at him sideways. "What?"

"Where are you off to?"

"To the lab," Rodney responded with a shrug.

"You okay?" Ronon looked at Teyla, cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh, just peachy," he said sarcastically. "I have a million and one things to do but _no_, she _had_ to start playing with things she knows _nothing_ about and look at where we are now."

Ronon looked dumbfounded.

"Nothing, it's nothing." Rodney waved his hand dismissively. "I have work to do."

"Are you sure you're okay, Teyla?"

Rodney closed his eyes and sighed. "_Rodney_."

"What about him?"

Rodney growled. "No, I'm Rodney."

"What?" Ronon blinked, not quite understanding what Teyla was trying to say.

"I'm _Rodney_."

Ronon stared at Teyla blankly for a moment before he started laughing.

"Oh, yes, this is _very_ funny. Oh, look! Rodney has breasts!"

Ronon couldn't contain himself as he continued to laugh. "Oh, this is too good."

Rodney rolled his eyes and walked away from Ronon in the direction of the lab.

Ronon remained in the corridor, laughing and headed off in the opposite direction – his laughter could be heard all the way down the hallways.

--------------

Teyla tapped her knuckles against the side of the doorway of John's quarters.

"Come on," he said as he rested comfortably on his bed, legs crossed, and a magazine in hand.

"Hey," she said quietly as she stepped inside.

"What's up?" John closed the magazine and tossed it onto his nightstand, looking at Rodney.

Teyla shrugged her shoulders as she moved over to John and took a seat on the edge of his bed. The look of confusion on his face was not lost on her – she sighed. "I know what this looks like."

"Huh?" John looked at Rodney, lifting a brow. "You okay, McKay?"

"I'm not… Doctor McKay." Teyla looked at John, biting her lower lip slightly.

"Excuse me?"

"Our bodies have been switched. I'm trapped in Doctor McKay's body," she explained.

"Ok…" John nodded slowly. "And who are you?"

"Teyla," she said as she looked at him.

"Oh! Oh…" John took a moment to process what she just told him. "What?"

"I went to see Rodney earlier and see if he'd join Doctor Weir and I for lunch. He refused and I told him I would have lunch in the lab with him. He has been studying all of these artifacts that he and Doctor Zelenka discovered in the storage room. We accidently activated one of them and our bodies were somehow switched."

John watched Rodney, a small smirk creeping across his face. "Really?" He was trying to conceal his desire to burst into laughter.

"It is not funny," she pointed out.

"It kinda is," he said with a grin. "Have you looked in the mirror yet?"

Teyla narrowed her eyes slightly.

"Aw, come on…" John touched her arm softly. "I'm sure Rodney isn't having fun with this either and will work extra hard to fix it."

"Not fast enough." Teyla shrugged.

John shifted, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed and scooted closer to Teyla. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder – the weirdness of this situation was a little unsettling and if anyone walked in, it'd look a little odd. "It'll be okay, Teyla."

"I suppose. It just seems with every turn we run into more obstacles. We rarely have just a normal day, which is not filled with some sort of problem or threat…" Teyla frowned. "And I was looking forward to tonight…" She looked at John, regretfully. It had been a long time coming and it was the first time they'd be able to enjoy each other's company on a more personal level or simply put; a date.

John grinned. "There's no reason why we can't still look forward to it. I'm sure Rodney will figure this out before then."

"And if he does not?"

"So what? If he doesn't, he doesn't and we still get our night together… well, without, you know." John winked at her.

Teyla chuckled softly, looking at John. Without thinking about it, she leaned forward and kissed John softly on the lips.

John, shocked, blinked.

Teyla pulled back. "Oh god, I am sorry." She scrunched up her face.

"Yeah, can we not do that again? At least until you switch back. It's a _little_ disturbing." John laughed.

Teyla nodded and smiled.

---------------

"McKay." John walked into the lab with Rodney by his side – his arm draped over her shoulder.

Rodney looked up from his computer and widened his eyes. "Oh lord, can you _please_ not do that?"

"Sorry," John grinned and removed his arm from Rodney's shoulder.

"I didn't want to see that," Ronon commented as he walked in behind John and Teyla… or Rodney. He looked from one to the other, shaking his head.

John smirked. "So, what's the plan, McKay?"

"I don't have one?" Rodney muttered as he leaned back in the computer chair. "I have no idea how we're going to get out of this one. The stone, it's dead… there's no energy coming from it at all."

"What if we just touch it again? Retrace the same steps we did earlier." Teyla spoke up.

"It won't work," he answered.

"How do you know?" John questioned.

Rodney rolled his eyes as he picked up the stone and rose to his feet. He walked over to Teyla and reached his hand out. "Come on."

Teyla looked from John to Rodney and reached out, touching her finger to the stone – nothing.

"Told you. It's dead and it's worthless."

"If the ancients made it, I doubt they didn't come up with a way to undo it."

"Maybe, maybe not. It's very possible it was a prototype and they never finished it." Rodney placed the stone on the table with the other artifacts. "Unless…"

"Unless?" Teyla looked at Rodney, expectantly.

"Unless there is _another_ one." Rodney scanned the table for anything that resembled the stone. "If it has a twin, it's possible it will be able to switch us back."

Teyla moved over to the table, standing beside Rodney. "I do not see anything similar," she commented as she helped Rodney shift through some of the trinkets.

"It might not look the same…" Rodney randomly picked up an item. "Here," he said as he reached his hand out to Teyla. She touched the object and nothing happened. Both repeated this with several of the artifacts scattered on the table. The results were futile.

John and Ronon moved over, standing on the opposite side of the table. John picked up an object – it was the same coloring as the stone but it was smaller and only the size of a dime. "Looks like a piece of something," he suggested as he handed it to McKay.

"What am I going to do with _this_?" Rodney examined the dime-sized piece of rock.

"Figure it out." John glared at Teyla.

Rodney and Teyla both touched the small object and again, nothing happened.

"Maybe it is part of the other stone?" Teyla suggested.

Rodney picked up the stone and studied both artifacts. There was no visible way for both pieces to fit together but as soon as they came into close contact – the pieces snapped together, like a magnetic force bringing them together. Once the stones connected as one, it generated a soft glow. "That's something…" Rodney looked at Teyla. "Ready?"

Teyla nodded.

Rodney reached his hand out to Teyla and she pressed her fingers to the stone – another electrical shock surged through them and both were sent backwards with immense force, falling to the ground.

-----------------

Rodney shielded his eyes from the light with his hand as he moaned slightly. "What happened?"

"You crashed and burned again." John said as he stood by Rodney's side.

Rodney removed his hand from his eyes, opening them slowly. He quickly patted himself down, making sure it worked. "I have no breasts!" he proclaimed excitedly.

"What a relief," Ronon said gruffly.

Teyla laughed softly as she looked over at Rodney. She was relieved to see Rodney – in _his_ body – across from her.

John moved to Teyla's side and took her hand into his. "Glad to see you back."

"Good to be back." She smiled softly.

"Still on for tonight?" John whispered with an impish wink.

"Depends."

"On?"

"If you want dinner with me or with Rodney… I mean, you did kiss Rodney", Teyla teased.

John smirked, giving her hand a squeeze.

"What!" Rodney looked at John, dumbfounded. "You _kissed_ me?"

Ronon placed his head in his hand and shook his head. "I didn't need to picture that."

"You _kissed_ me?"


End file.
